Guys, I’m Not Your Doormat

Scream so that one day a hundred years from now another sister will not have to dry her tears wondering where in history she lost her voice. Jasmin Kaur

So here’s the thing, I’m not sure if someone secretly stuck a sign on my back that says, “I love it when men verbally attack and threaten me” but that seems to be my M.O. this year. And I don’t like it…

Two different men have made me a target for their anger and have lashed out at me without plausible reason over the past six months. They are not family. They are not anyone I have a personal relationship with. These are men that are supposed to be professional and claim to be Godly, but their actions seemed anything but Godly in my encounters.

I have been blamed for things that weren’t my fault. I have been told to “stop talking” numerous times when I tried to defend myself. I have been refused a witness while under verbal attack. Lies were told about me that were 100% false. I have been yelled at in front of many people for no reason. And guess what? I’ve.Had.Enough. Luckily, so has kharma but that’s another story…

History has taught us that women are supposed to be sweet and agreeable, and that we should be meek in a male-dominated world. Let me say this. I am sweet until I’m wronged. I am agreeable if it’s something I believe in. But why is there a notion that only men are qualified and capable to serve in most leadership positions? Walk into most board rooms and a large majority of those at the table will be men. Most leadership roles in businesses and places of employment are filled by men. A very small percentage of CEO’s are women. Politics-again, lots of men…

Let’s break down the data. Women make up 47% of the work force. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, 56% of college enrollees are women. There are 2.2 million more women in college than men, yet men are still out earning their spouses. In fact, 73% of men have a higher income than their spouse. In 2017, full-time female employees made 20% less than their male counterparts, with women of color having a larger disparity. And I thought the Women’s Rights Movement was supposed to prevent this…

Fact: Most employees leave their jobs due to poor leadership. More often than not, when you ask people about work, there is often a sense of distrust and anxiety. Of feeling unappreciated and overworked. Of feeling undervalued and that their opinions and suggestions don’t matter. Some may even be in a hostile work environment with management attempting to “run them off” by making their job miserable.

According to the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 7.7% of men develop Narcissistic Personality Disorder in their lifetime versus 4.8% of women. Narcissists are often shoe-ins for positions of leadership due to their over confidence and deliberate and sometimes manipulative charisma to get what they want. They end up being abrasive, unaware of their limitations, and unwilling to ask for help or suggestions, while targeting those who are competent and knowledgeable. There is a complete lack of empathy for employees, an attitude that the rules don’t apply to them, and an inflated sense of self. Guess what this breeds? Low morale, which typically leads to low productivity and people who leave.

On the other hand, women have many character traits that make them excellent leaders with happy employees. Being flexible and empathetic, listening well, good communication skills, a willingness to learn new things, and collaborating with others gives their employees the opportunity to be heard, understood, and appreciated. The best boss I’ve ever had was a woman, and she displayed all of these traits. And guess what? Her employees are happy.

Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.

I’m going to be really honest here. One of my number one pet peeves is women who don’t support other women. Who don’t understand “what women have to march about.” Who insinuate being feminist means being anti-man, which is untrue. Being feminist means wanting equal rights as a human being, regardless of what bodily appendage may or may not be between their legs. It means being viewed as an equal and not a weakling or someone who can easily be a pushover. It means having their competence awarded with promotions, leadership roles, and a higher salary. Until we are willing to stand up for each other and to stop with our silence, we will not be viewed as equals. So please, ladies, let’s get together on this. It’s overdue.

Men, we need your support too. We need men who will push for electing more females to boards and sponsoring more qualified women to positions of power and leadership. We need you to have a strong stance against the men behaving badly and not dismissing it while claiming that women are over reacting or that “boys will be boys.” I realize that the majority of you are not like the men that targeted me, and I appreciate you treating us as equals. Please have our backs against the ones who don’t. It shouldn’t take threats of legal action to get your attention. We need your support.

And one day she discovered she was fierce, and strong, and full of fire, and that not even she could hold herself back because her passion burned brighter than her fears. Mark Anthony

Ladies, we are better together. Let’s be brave, strong, and powerful. Let’s stand up for what’s right and not be be silent when the whistle should be blown. Let’s raise girls who are fierce with no acceptance of glass ceilings. Let’s raise boys who are willing to tear those ceilings down to make way for their female counterparts. Let’s start today.

Thanks for stopping in. xo- Christy

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School nurse by day. Lifestyle blogger by night. Hold my wine while I grab my cape. Follow me at glamourgritandgrace.com.

8 thoughts on “Guys, I’m Not Your Doormat

  1. I guess I am one hot mama because I don’t take it off no one. My grandmother always taught me to respect people, but she also told me not to take any foul mouth and smart butt off anyone. We as woman are better than that, We have to stand up and speak for ourselves no one else will do it for us. As a Christian we can do this in a lady like way. But we need to make it known that we mean what we say.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Do not compromise for any one or any reason, you are a child of the Almighty God. Live that truth.

    I have this quote in my bathroom and say it aloud to myself at least one time day.

    Thanks for the reminder!!

    Liked by 1 person

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